SCARED YOU'RE GOING TO FAIL?
How To Know If You're Making The Right Choice.
Life can be compared to a minefield, with so many unclear choices. One wrong decision sometimes is all it takes for everything we've worked for to come crashing down around our ears.
While this is most definitely unsettling to think of, making decisions, especially big ones are part and parcel of our gift of freewill.
Whether its changing your career, or moving to a new city. Leaving a relationship or getting married, big decisions that affect us need to be thought out carefully as they can turn out to be the catalysts for later changes in our life.
Are you facing a major dilemma? On the brink of making a life altering decision? Scared to know if you'll make the wrong choice?
Take these steps to make sure you're looking in the right direction.
Ask Yourself:
1. Am I making a target-based decision or an escape-based one?
We go through so much difficulty everyday that sometimes we get stuck. We want to be anywhere but where we currently are, and desperately seek out a change regardless of whether its right for us or not. The new is tempting, ''everything will be so much better if I had that instead of this''.
For instance, meet Shirley.
Shirley lives in a small town in Canada with her parents.
She's attended school with the same people from kindergarten to high school.
She knows every face and name in her small quiet town.
The problem is, Shirley wants more. She wants to see what life is like outside the lands she's been surrounded by all her life.
She's sick of the same things happening over and over and dreams of something different.
One day, a stranger comes into town. He's handsome, talks big and is nicely dressed but he's just passing through on his way to the city.
Shirley is charmed by him and sees the meal ticket of freedom he's waving around like a flag. Finally, she can hightail it out of here and get to experience all she's dreamed of.
Cue the whirlwind romance and 3 weeks later, Shirley becomes Mrs Shirley. They move.
Just few months in Shirley can't believe her bad luck, Mr Stranger isn't all he was made out to be and with his late hours, a drinking problem and anger issues, that sometimes he takes out on her. A baby's on the way..might be what changes him,she hopes.
Well, you can agree with me Shirley got the short end of the stick.
She was running away from her life.
Instead of making plans that would bring her closer to the freedom and independence to make the changes she needed. She took an ''anything else offer'' just to change addresses.
Ask yourself,''Am I just running away or am I making moves to get to where I want to be''
That way you don't trade a bad situation for a worse one that takes you farther from your goals.
2. Do You Feel At Peace?
I know this might be unconventional, but its a tried and true method that works.
Most times when we take the plunge to maybe let something/someone major go or accept an opportunity regardless of our fears we feel a quiet inner calm that's assuring.
This is an indicator that you've done the right thing for yourself and made the right decision.
3. What does my gut feeling tell me?
Our unconscious sometimes takes the decision right out of our hands, and tells us to make this or that decision without much thought.
Research shows that unconsciously our brain is better adapted at working out complex problems than when we try to sift through every single process and option available ourselves.
When's the last time you did things or made a decision based on instinct. How did it work out for you?
4. Ask the ''Why'' Five Times.
Well, this was a little harder for me to accept. That is..
Until I tried it.
Sakichi Toyoda founder of the car company Toyota said, if something goes wrong try and get to the real cause by asking why five times.
Applying this to making decisions, here's how it looks.
Why should I leave this relationship? I'm not happy. Why am I not happy? Its not providing any improvement in my life. Why is there no improvement? I'm developing wrong ideals and habits because of it. Why am I developing wrong habits and ideals? The atmosphere is toxic. Why? We started on a wrong foundation.
There you see, its time consuming,but it makes you look at the root of the problem so you can see what decision you should take.
5. What If You Take the Fear Out, Would You Still Do It?
I came across this one when I was making a major decision on what I would do with my life.
The method used was cross examining fear with the phrase ''what if''
Hmm
Want to see how it works?
Let's use ending a marriage as an example.
Major decision.
I want to leave, I have all my reasons out but my fears are overwhelming. This is five years down the line and I'm so used to having a partner I don't think I can survive on my own.
Cue the phrase ''what if'' What if I can survive alone and take steps to be self reliant and independent. Would I still leave my partner?
Notice the ''what if'' phrase is used in opposite style to the fear so you can think clearly.
This is not deluding yourself or ignoring real issues or problems, its giving yourself a chance to make level headed decisions and not making life choices based on fear.
Let's continue.
I don't think I can ever be happy without this person because my partner always says its my fault I'm depressed and unwilling to change.
Cue the ''what if'' phrase. What if personally I can find things that give me joy and I learn to try new invigorating experiences on my own, to show I can indeed be happy?
What choice would I make then?
So you see my lovelies,when you eliminate the fear that comes with making decisions you can make healthier, safer choices that improve your life.
Until Next Time.
